Optimism’s Arch Nemesis Part Deux

I’ve recently had someone question what it was I meant by the last paragraph in the 1/11/07 entry on “Optimisms Arch Nemesis.” SO, I would like to take the time to address it.

After being completely dumbfounded that someone actually read this blog to a level where they questioned various aspects of it, I scramble for the best answer I could allocate in my myriad of “save your ass” explanations within my brain. The trouble was that I didn’t remember writing it, not that last paragraph at least. So my paragraphical rant of 3-4 sentences about what was probably my former company’s corporate structure reprimanding my insurmountable need to doodle in meetings, had come back a year later to bite me in the ass– almost a year later.

Allow me to expand. Now it being a year later, I can probably provide updated information on my state of “negative attitude.” Despite my momentary glitch in optimism. It still remains. Amazingly. I bet you’re thinking that my situation has changed for the better, thus rendering me in a newly found “happy high.” Well I assure you, it has not. Though, yes, my situation has changed, so much so that I can barely believe it has only been a year, but my positivity has ceased its previous flickering and has reinstated itself to full glow. Still glowing a year later, and just as bright. It’s even caught some followers. Who woulda thunk it?

Of course, I will spare no opportunity to shamelessly plug myself…again. Doesn’t you creative team need someone with such a glow? Especially with the state of economy today, couldn’t we all use a little bit of me on our creative teams? Well, no need for a little. I can offer you myself, sparkling and full for a year end special of only [inquire within for details.]

Optimisms Arch Nemesis

Being a creative in the “job seeking” world deteriorate the internal security of even the most talented individuals. Despite my long ago experienced teen angst, the spending of my awkward years trying to become an actor, the events of my father’s illness and eventual death, including the physical consequences which that had on my body, I have always remained an optimist. Some have declared it as immaturity, others have sought to tear it down, but I have withstood them all. Withstood isn’t even a strong enough word. I have shown so bright that even the rocks which weighed me looked brighter. This of course all came with a Panic Disorder and career change, but I still withstood. I guided my own light.

Lately, however, that light has been flickering. And the more time goes by, the more frequently the flickering occurs. I question myself, my work, my talent. Everything I was so secure about seems slightly off. So what’s changed? What’s changed is the fact that I am seeking a position as a Copywriter. What does that mean? What it means is a collection of rejection letter, voids of unreturned emails/ phone calls, Catch-22 requirements, and my own collections of “mad lib” cover letter templates. I’m constantly anxious, constantly waiting for reply, and in interview mode.

On more than several occasions, I’ve received commentary on my negative attitude, and I DON’T LIKE IT! I don’t think people understand. I need a vacation.